Thursday, March 17, 2005
Live Shot

The following was found in a trash can on the lower depths of the north slope of Beacon Hill, which used to have a reputation as a neighborhood of vice, intemperance, and general social decay. No wait a minute, it was found on Merrimac Street. We always get those two places mixed up.

For Immediate Release - Thursday, March 17, 2005

CONTACT: (the name is illegible)

"Fraud Governor Willard Mitt should cease his campaign for President and get to work doing something about the management of the Big Dig.

"Romney is more concerned about where his next out-of-state fund-raising availability is taking place than he is about protecting the hard-earned dollars our
Massachusetts taxpayers have spent on a broken, overpriced tunnel. The Fraud Governor has the power to replace the Turnpike Commission chairman. So what is he waiting for?

"Instead of diligently taking charge on controlling his Big Dig managers, Romney has spent his time at carefully orchestrated press events 'calling for Turnpike chairman Matt Amorello's resignation.'

"In November 2004, Romney asked Amorello to resign. (source: Worcester T&G, 11/13/2004)

"In January 2005, Romney asked Amorello to resign. (source: Boston Globe, 1/26/2005)

"In March 2005, Romney asked Amorello to resign. (source: Boston Globe, 3/16/2005)

"Each time Amorello said no, and Willard Mitt piously looked to the heavens as if searching for the strength to go on. Or for cameras above Nurses Hall.

"Given a free microphone and a red light, Live Shot Romney let escape no opportunity to call for Matt Amorello's resignation. Hoping, we suspect, against hope that Amorello would kindly demur and assume the position for the next attack.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.

"Because it suddenly looks like ... Willard Mitt had the power to click his heels three times and remove Amorello the whole time! But rather than actually remove the guy, Romney instead has decided to hide behind the collective skirts of the Supreme Judicial Court. (source: Boston Globe, 3/16/2005)

"(Hey Larry Summers, this is when you say something about the Fraud Governor being genetically disinclined to take a leadership position.)

"Wait a minute. Romney purportedly wants Amorello out. So he asks the SJC if he can take Amorello out? Why not ... take Amorello out, and let Amorello fight to get back in? Oh right. That would take guts. But we digress.

"So now we play the waiting game. And we suspect that Romney will play the waiting game, too. For as long as he can string it out so that the question of 'can Willard Mitt can Matt Amorello?' is never quite answered. And Romney can continue to kick Amorello's rumpus from Provincetown (or at least Truro) to North Adams and back again. (With a quick stop in Iowa, Missouri, Michigan and South Carolina.)

"It is becoming increasingly clear that Willard Mitt is part of the problem and not part of the solution. Shifting the blame from Live Shot Romney's pals at Bechtel to Matt Amorello has done nothing to solve the problems at the Big Dig or to recover millions owed to the taxpayers. Romney is just another self-promoting politician in cahoots with Mike "Wispy" Murphy and his other fraud reformers looking to protect his ambitions so he doesn't get stained by his mismanagement of the Big Dig."

Zounds. Wonder who could have written that thing!

Whacko Willard Mitt

According to press reports, Willard Mitt - aka, the Most Moral Man in Massachusetts - last week "celebrated" his 58th birthday by arriving at his State House party dressed like accused child-molester (or is it alleged child-molester?) Michael "Jacko" Jackson. Romney was purportedly dressed in pajama pants, a white glove, sunglasses, and "flanked by aides holding umbrellas." (source: Boston Herald, 3/14/2005)

Earlier this year, Prince Harry, heir to the English throne and scion of the House of Stupidity, received wide-spread opprobrium for "wearing a swastika armband to a friend's fancy dress party." (source: BBC, 1/13/2005)

Astute observers of l'Affair Harry noted that the moronic Prince did not, in fact, dress up like any one particular Nazi. He did not, for example, wear particular facial hair in an effort to mimic any one killer. The idiot Prince simply wore to a private party in a private setting an arm-band, a symbol of hate to be sure, but an anonymous icon of genocide. Willard Mitt, on the other hand, "celebrated" his special day in the State House by dressing like a man who was then on trial as an accused child molester.

To which we replied, 'get a grip.' Not even we would suggest that Willard Mitt identifies with alleged child molesters. Not even (accused) alleged celebrity child-molesters.

Willard Mitt's dress-up was all in fun.

Hey, it's not as though he dressed up like a polygamist who fled to Mexico with his three wives, one of whom may have been under-aged, to escape the long-arm of federal law!

Now that would have been in poor taste!

(Contest alert: be the first person to send us a photo of the Most Moral Man in Massachusetts dressed like an accused child molester, and win two fabulous prizes: a meat pie, and a Rich "Mr. Potato Head" Gedman baseball card, circa 1987. (The Gedman card is 1987, the meat pie will be slightly more current.) Be the second person to send us said photo we'll send you two meat pies and a Calvin Schiraldi card.)


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