Thursday, November 04, 2004
Decision 2004: Hidden Winners and Losers
Winners
Marty Meehan: He'd have never won a special election to replace Kerry. After all, Meehan has fewer Democratic friends than Tim Cahill. On the plus side he has $2M in the bank. Which means he is now a bullet-proof Congressman-for-life.
Andy Card: once an anemic state rep, Card now actually provides council to President Bush. Hey, wait a minute, why didn’t Kerry use THAT in America’s heartland?
Bill Weld: wanted to be a US Senator, but was beaten by John Kerry. Placed Margaret Marshall on the bench, whose gay marriage initiative gave Karl Rove enough ammo to smoke Kerry throughout middle America. Revenge is a dish best served on a sharp pointy stick.
GOP Jr. Strongman Tim O’Brien: when asked to respond to Team Reform’s drubbing at the ballot box, O’Brien said, "This is what two-party government is all about. You have dozens of candidates who never had opposition, every two years was a coronation. Now, we've got real two-party government whether or not we win big." (source: Boston Globe, 11/3/2004) Keep telling yourself that, Tim. By the way, we hear that Isuzu Motors is looking for a new spokesman. Your ship just came in.
Kerry Healey: before Team Reform’s drubbing, Willard Mitt couldn't get a tunnel-naming bill through the legislature. After overseeing one of the grubbiest campaigns in recent history, Romney will undoubtedly look back on the past two years as a blissful honeymoon. If he thinks he has a future in national politics, Romney may be best served by easing himself out of the Corner Office. We suggest he ditch himself at the US Marshall’s office. Great half-day jobs at full-time wages. Which would make the Lightweight LG the Lightweight Acting Fraud Gov.
Kinkos Printers: expect a flood of resumes from former GOP legislative reform candidates.
Losers
Martha Coakley: who knew Martha hated her job? So what ring will she next toss her hat - AG? Secretary of State? Governor?
Barney Frank: he could have won the special election to replace Kerry, but is now just another bullet-proof Congressman-for-life.
Curt Schilling: the multi-millionaire hometown hero campaigned against the multi-millionaire hometown hero, who was supported by Schilling's multi-millionaire boss. After winning the World Series, could John Henry be looking to cut payroll? Does anyone else see Schilling smearing ketchup on a paid of Washington Expos socks?
Boston Globe: could have spent the next four years reporting about a hometown President. Instead, beat the stuffing out of Kerry, and can now spend the next four years reporting about how they could have been reporting about a hometown President.
Willard Mitt: the 2004 elections will go down in history as a high-water mark for the Republican Party. Everywhere but in Massachusetts. Here the GOP actually lost ground! They now hold the fewest number of seats in the Legislature since 1867. (source: Boston Globe, 11/4/2004) The two states where G. W. Bush asked Romney to help out, New Hampshire and Michigan, each went for Kerry. And the one governor for whom Romney campaigned lost. Thanks for stopping by, Fraudo. Next?
Romney's $150,000-a-year Loathsome Spokesman: his new threat, that "Romney is the only bridge Massachusetts has to the White House and a strengthened Republican majority in both houses of Congress" (source: Boston Globe, 11/4/2004) puts his boss in a lose-lose box. Anything the state gets, it will get because Romney is doing his job. Anything the state does not get, it will lose because Romney can not deliver. Brilliant!
Department of (MDC Job) Conservation and Recreation personnel office: expect a flood of resumes from former GOP legislative reform candidates.
Bloggers: who cares what they have to say? We certainly don't!
Winners
Marty Meehan: He'd have never won a special election to replace Kerry. After all, Meehan has fewer Democratic friends than Tim Cahill. On the plus side he has $2M in the bank. Which means he is now a bullet-proof Congressman-for-life.
Andy Card: once an anemic state rep, Card now actually provides council to President Bush. Hey, wait a minute, why didn’t Kerry use THAT in America’s heartland?
Bill Weld: wanted to be a US Senator, but was beaten by John Kerry. Placed Margaret Marshall on the bench, whose gay marriage initiative gave Karl Rove enough ammo to smoke Kerry throughout middle America. Revenge is a dish best served on a sharp pointy stick.
GOP Jr. Strongman Tim O’Brien: when asked to respond to Team Reform’s drubbing at the ballot box, O’Brien said, "This is what two-party government is all about. You have dozens of candidates who never had opposition, every two years was a coronation. Now, we've got real two-party government whether or not we win big." (source: Boston Globe, 11/3/2004) Keep telling yourself that, Tim. By the way, we hear that Isuzu Motors is looking for a new spokesman. Your ship just came in.
Kerry Healey: before Team Reform’s drubbing, Willard Mitt couldn't get a tunnel-naming bill through the legislature. After overseeing one of the grubbiest campaigns in recent history, Romney will undoubtedly look back on the past two years as a blissful honeymoon. If he thinks he has a future in national politics, Romney may be best served by easing himself out of the Corner Office. We suggest he ditch himself at the US Marshall’s office. Great half-day jobs at full-time wages. Which would make the Lightweight LG the Lightweight Acting Fraud Gov.
Kinkos Printers: expect a flood of resumes from former GOP legislative reform candidates.
Losers
Martha Coakley: who knew Martha hated her job? So what ring will she next toss her hat - AG? Secretary of State? Governor?
Barney Frank: he could have won the special election to replace Kerry, but is now just another bullet-proof Congressman-for-life.
Curt Schilling: the multi-millionaire hometown hero campaigned against the multi-millionaire hometown hero, who was supported by Schilling's multi-millionaire boss. After winning the World Series, could John Henry be looking to cut payroll? Does anyone else see Schilling smearing ketchup on a paid of Washington Expos socks?
Boston Globe: could have spent the next four years reporting about a hometown President. Instead, beat the stuffing out of Kerry, and can now spend the next four years reporting about how they could have been reporting about a hometown President.
Willard Mitt: the 2004 elections will go down in history as a high-water mark for the Republican Party. Everywhere but in Massachusetts. Here the GOP actually lost ground! They now hold the fewest number of seats in the Legislature since 1867. (source: Boston Globe, 11/4/2004) The two states where G. W. Bush asked Romney to help out, New Hampshire and Michigan, each went for Kerry. And the one governor for whom Romney campaigned lost. Thanks for stopping by, Fraudo. Next?
Romney's $150,000-a-year Loathsome Spokesman: his new threat, that "Romney is the only bridge Massachusetts has to the White House and a strengthened Republican majority in both houses of Congress" (source: Boston Globe, 11/4/2004) puts his boss in a lose-lose box. Anything the state gets, it will get because Romney is doing his job. Anything the state does not get, it will lose because Romney can not deliver. Brilliant!
Department of (MDC Job) Conservation and Recreation personnel office: expect a flood of resumes from former GOP legislative reform candidates.
Bloggers: who cares what they have to say? We certainly don't!
