Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Cutting Remarks

A couple of hundred years ago, if you didn’t appear to age you were typically called a vampire, or dead.

Today you’re more likely to be called Willard Mitt.

Now we’re not generally inclined to look into dark closets, but after Team Reform threw their Karl Rove-copywritten BoTox brickbats at John Kerry, we decided to take a second look at the Fraud Governor.

Have you ever stood really close to the man? And not 'how-ya-doin' close, but 'brush the salt off your tie, there, Fraudo' close. Because if you do, you'll notice he has tiny little scars around his face.

To be fair, we admit that Romney could have been wounded while bravely defending the patisseries of Paris during the Vietnam War.

However, some have suggested that perhaps, just perhaps, the Fraud Governor is boasting a fraud face.

We already know he colors his hair; he's already admitted to using Grecian Formula. (source: Worcester T&G, 3/29/2002) Although to Willard Mitt’s way of parsing, he’d probably claim he does not 'color' his hair as Grecian Formula is clear.

But what about surgery? Has Romney tucked his chin? Repositioned his ears? Shaped his nose?

Or is he just naturally preserved?

Only his stratum basale knows for sure.


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